Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
