There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
