If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
