I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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