I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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