Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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