Kiss
Puke
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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