we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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