I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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