you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They are going to name an STD after you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
