I love black thongs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
