pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
