on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
