I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
