The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
