i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
