i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
