She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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