Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
