Will you blow on my dice?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
