i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
