Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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