Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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