I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
