Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Boobs are out for the taking
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
