The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
