I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
