I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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