I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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