he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
