You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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