I just pynch a tree in the face
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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