i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
