No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
