Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
