I can tuck mytits in my pants
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Shame - the story of my life.
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