i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
