Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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