Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
