just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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