help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
