We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I deserve this hangover.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
