That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
