I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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