I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
