Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
