My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
