Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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