I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
