yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
