some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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