So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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